Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
