My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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