my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize