I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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