Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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