when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
