You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
