i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
