..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
