Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
