Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
