I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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