Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
what day is it and did you see me today?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
