its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
