Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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