She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I think I am morally bankrupt
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
