i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
