i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
