I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
