I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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