you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
