You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
