Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
