Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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