how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
