I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
