If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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