I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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