I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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