in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
