I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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