Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
