All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
