doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
soo... how was my night?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
