This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
