yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
