This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize