the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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