Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
