omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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