I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
