Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Someone shit on the floor
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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