Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
