let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
