oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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