dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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