i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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