after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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