your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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