But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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