The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
