If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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