Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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