You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
