remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I want a musical about memes.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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