Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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