I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
