Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
