I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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