me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
