And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think my vagina is haunted
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
