The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
