I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
