chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
