as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
