I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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