Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
