Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
