i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
