based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize