From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
