Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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