"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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