lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
