He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
